Being kind

The Gestalt approach to counselling and coaching can involve exploring and reconciling polarities or opposites. A classic example is judgemental criticism vs kind acceptance. Much human suffering stems from the harsh thoughts that crash around inside our heads. As judge and jury, we often find ourselves (and others) guilty and hand out severe punishments.

Regularly practising the three elements of self-compassion advocated by Kristin Neff could have a profound impact on human lives. The first step is self-kindness vs self-judgement. Sound familiar?

While developing kinder self-talk often reduces the emotional distress linked to critical thinking, we may learn valuable things about ourselves if we can face and unpackage some of our judgements. So ‘Yes’ to more self-compassion, 'Yes' to exploring the causes of our self-criticism and ‘Yes’ to developing the wisdom to be real about our experiences so we can genuinely learn from them and move on.

Speak to yourself as you would to a friend

Our thoughts play a profound role in causing and maintaining psychological pain and wellbeing. Just read about these common unhelpful thinking habits in CBT for Dummies for some examples of this. Exploring what we say to ourselves and how we say it often reveals words and a tone of language that, while understandable, often perpetuate suffering within and between people. 

The video below is a compelling example of how learning to speak to ourselves in the way we'd speak to a friend facing similar challenges can profoundly impact our wellbeing. It focuses on how this strategy gradually healed many years of angry thoughts and feelings but this 'wise and sustained application of kindness-to-self practice' (another way of describing the YouTube marketing language below) can be applied to any emotion that people struggle with.

You may find it helpful to also check out the Feelings and needs and Awareness pages which explore what can drive our emotions and how cultivating mindfulness changes how we relate to our thoughts and feelings.